Today, we're celebrating your 13th Birthday, and I'll go ahead and use the cliche' "It seems like yesterday", because it really does seem like just yesterday, that I held you in my arms for the first time, and all it took that first time was you grasping and clutching my finger with your little hand, to soothe and comfort you and to stop you from crying. And it wasn't long afterward, that I would come home from work, take you into my arms, and marvel at the look of wonder in your eyes as you were transfixed with my daily ritual of singing Bob Marley's "Two little birds": "Don't worry...about a thing...Because every little thing...is going to be alright."
And it's true. Every little thing is going to be alright. I began to really believe that then, and I've only become more convinced of that every day since that day. And that's one of the truths of life that I hope to pass on to you. It's a big responsibility, but one I've gladly undertaken, and it's also one of the many promises that I made when I first held you in my arms that day in the hospital. I was both excited by your arrival, to the point of being in awe, and also scared by it. I was in awe, because I held a miracle in my arms, and I had never thought up to that point that I would actually become a father. And it was like being born all over, with an opportunity to create and nurture a better version of myself. And not in the sense of trying to live vicariously through you in any way, or planning a detailed future for you. But in the sense that I could guide, teach, inspire, and love you, and nurture you in ways that I hadn't experienced, so that you would have the opportunity to realize a world of possibilities, and be best prepared to create life and happiness as you wish. And yet, for all the same reasons that I was in awe and excited, I was also scared. Because all of that was not only a tremendous privilege for me, but a tremendous responsibility as well. I really wasn't sure if I was up to the task. For it would require me to think outside of myself in a way that I never really quite had before. It meant I could be nearly as self-centered as I had been up to that point. It meant that I couldn't be nearly as self-centered as I had been up to that point.
But then, that's the way life works. It presents us with challenges that require us to become more than we are at the present time. Challenges that force us to become more in order to do more. Challenges that require us to become the kind of person it takes to successfully meet those challenges. And fear often comes along with the territory. Because we are venturing into an unknown realm, into unfamiliar territory. But every new journey begins with a first, unfamiliar step. A step that we hadn't taken previously. And yet, every new race that is won, every journey that is successfully fulfilled, is always accomplished with a first step that hadn't previously been taken.
And in my quest to give you the opportunities to develop into the best quality person you can be, I in turn, became a much better person. Because I had to in order to become the kind of person who could carry out the privilege and responsibility of being a good parent. And I had always wanted to become better than I was, for reaching my full potential was something I had always aspired to. But your arrival definitely gave the matter a great sense of urgency and importance. Because I would no longer be doing it for myself alone. And I am grateful for that.
I've been blessed with the acquired understanding that everything that I've ever experienced, both good and bad, was for a purpose. And I've been blessed with many opportunities to share my lessons and acquired perspective with others, so that all the trials, tests, and experiences have not been for naught. And I've been blessed in many instances to positively impact, guide, teach, encourage, influence, and in some cases, inspire others. But no greater opportunity or privilege has existed like the opportunity I have to do those things for you. And no opportunity means more to me.
And yet, as big a task as I had before me, and still have before me, you've certainly made it easier in some ways. You possess a sensitivity and compassion for the feelings of others, that comes much more naturally for you than it did for me. And you also often display a work ethic as well as respect for your fellow human beings that I didn't develop until I was several years older than you. While I've been very proud of your accomplishments in school, of which there have been plenty, I think I was even more proud of how you recovered so incredibly well when you were struggling a bit with your academics earlier this year. That recovery, that ability to bounce back said even more about your developing character. And the way I've seen you interact with others, like when you were around 6 years old, and I'd see you aiding smaller children you had just encountered, either with tying their shoe so that they wouldn't fall, or helping them climb into a bounce house, all the while other children your age and older were too pre-occupied with their own activity to help these small children...You made my heart smile so much. And it's still smiling even as I remember it and write it down, and the beaming smile on my face is keeping it company.
It's funny, because while I very much miss those days of playing hide and seek with you, playing the "Big Bad Wolf and the 3 Little pigs" in the playhouses that they used to have outside of "Toys r' us", playing "Spiderman" in the park every weekend, and you holding my hand while we walked in public...I understand that I can't both have that and watch you grow into the woman that I also hoped and knew you could become. I can't have my cake and eat it too. But I can wish...
And that's one of the other ways that I've grown, both as a person and as a parent. I've come to understand and accept that I can't both protect you and prepare you for the world. I can't shield you from the world. But I can prepare you to successfully deal with it on your own terms. I can't make you happy or ensure that you will have a happy life. But I can give you the tools, knowledge, lessons, encouragement, love, and support, so that you can better create those things for yourself and have the confidence and faith that you can. And I wouldn't be doing you justice by providing a safety net for you when you fall. Yet I know that as a parent that inclination is always there. But I can point out some of the potholes along the path of life. And if you should trip and fall, and there will be times that you will, I'll always be there to help you pick yourself up and encourage you to keep on traveling, to keep moving forward.
It's a new chapter in you life, and it won't be the only one. And as with most new journeys, it will involve both a mixture of excitement and fear. But will get through it together. Like the song say, "...Every little thing...is going to be alright."
Love,
Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment